I Didn't Think I Was Smart Enough

Some of you reading this have been programming since you were a kid. And some of you didn't start your programming career until later in life. Maybe you're a little bit of both. I never know exactly how to explain when I "started to learn to program" because even though I actually took a class on HTML and CSS in high school, I didn't actually seriously consider the idea of a programming career until a couple of years ago in my mid-twenties. Why?

Because I didn't think I was smart enough.

What held me back

Being a woman who techs comes with a lot of baggage and difficulty—most of which I've been pretty lucky to avoid. But one thing that held me back for so long was that I didn't see people who were similar to me who were successful programmers and building apps. And not that anyone specifically told me not to pursue programming, but it also wasn't really presented to me as much of an option to consider as a career.

I took a class in high school learning basic web programming and I thought it was really fun. I even toyed around with some websites in college and found it hard but rewarding when I was able to figure out something new.

Me circa 2014, about 21 years old and figuring out what to do with my life

But I studied marketing because I knew I liked business and wanted to run my own business someday, so that seemed to make the most sense. The college I'd chosen didn't offer a computer science major, and I wasn't smart enough. Without ever really unpacking it until recently, I realized that I'd convinced myself you had to be a genius to be a programmer.

I assumed you had to understand exactly how computers work— the hardware, the internet, everything. You have to be able to do math in your sleep, and not just like the 2+2 math, but I mean the serious math. (You know, the quadratic formula, sin and cosine, and the Pythagorean theorem.) I assumed you have to know ALL the languages and build an app from the top of your head with just a text editor and your fast typing fingers.

And, perhaps worst of all, I assumed that's all supposed to come easy to you. And it sure as heck didn't for me. So, naturally, I just thought I wasn't smart enough to be a developer.

What changed my mind

Since I thought I wasn't smart enough to be a programmer, I decided to consider other fields while I was still in college. Something that would use that more logical side of my brain, but something that felt more within my reach. So I added on an accounting minor, and soon I started to fall in love with numbers and spreadsheets and build masterpieces (if I do say so myself).

When I took my first job out of college, though it was in marketing, I focused on the numbers side. And then I focused on automation and learned more about marketing technology (martech if you wanna know the cool business jargon). I built some cool automation for our sales team with tools like Zapier and HubSpot that would send emails to leads, book their calendars, and keep the team notified.

People would point out my work and say "Hey, you're really smart" or "I could never be good at this stuff" and I was like "oh If I can do it, anyone can do it!"

Since I worked in a startup (and built a lot of cool things), programming came up a lot. And sometimes people would ask me if I'd ever thought of programming. To which I said, "Eh, yeah I think I'd try to be a programmer in my next life." And one of my coworkers one day asked me "Well, why not in this life? You can teach yourself online, you've got people like me who will help you, and you could always just try it and see if you like it."

And for the first time that I could remember, I didn't immediately respond with "But I'm not smart enough."

I decided to give it a shot in my free time. I tried an online Python course with step-by-step instructions (including videos) for learning and building things in Python. I saw myself build things like a hangman game and Pig Latin translator. I started finding projects at work that I could get involved with and reading other people's code and finding other people who wanted to learn to program and learning from them.

I read books, I checked out more courses.

Each step I took started to quiet the "I'm not smart enough" voice because there I was, clearly doing it!

Fast forward a few more years, and I decided to take it even more seriously. I knew I wanted to be a programmer full-time. I found a programming bootcamp by AltCademy that fit my style perfectly (inexpensive and self paced, with incredibly helpful and responsive instructors). Then I started to find technical groups at the company I was working at and convinced my manager to let me spend some of my work hours counting towards that. And after a while of doing small things, I started to convince myself that maybe I am smart enough.

What happens when I still feel like that

Before I act like I've solved this, let me be honest—that voice hasn't completely gone away. I still have days when I can't figure things out, or I have to ask for help more times than I feel like I should, or I sit in a meeting where there's a discussion that's way over my head, that I ask myself, "am I sure I'm smart enough for this?"

I remember one day reading a programming book by the pool, and some man casually walked by and asked me about it, and decided to give me all sorts of "advice" about programming, namely that I would "be good at it because [I] am pretty, so all the guys will want to do the work for [me]".

When I feel like I'm not smart enough, here are a few things I do to help me get back on track:

• Look at my list of wins and small things I've accomplished. I write these down on a Trello board regularly and go back and check this list when I need encouragement.
• Talk to my fellow programmers. We all feel this way sometimes! Especially when I talk to my fellow women in tech, I realize we all feel this way and sometimes just knowing it's not just me helps.
• Try something small. Stuck on a big project? Go do a code review or pick a lighter task to get some momentum before tackling something larger.
• Go look at all my projects. Sometimes I'll look at my GitHub repo just to remember, yeah I built that, oh yeah I figured that out.
• Think about something I did this week that I wouldn't have been able to do a year ago. I reflect on regular tasks I do now that I would have needed help with this time last year, or even last month!
• Take a walk. Get some perspective! Sometimes you just have to walk away and get some fresh air and it's okay—in fact, it's preferred!
• Read inspirational quotes. Yeah okay this is cheesy but it works. I actually wrote a script where when I type inspire in my terminal, it spits out a random inspirational quote 😂 it's oddly satisfying because not only does the cheesy quote inspire me a bit but I also remember I built that thing! And even though it's a simple script, it's still something I built.

My goal is to be an example to other women who might have been like me and thought they were not smart enough for programming. I'm not amazing at math. I still don't really understand how the internet works. And for the love of all that is pure, I am tired of hearing about web3 and I really don't know anything about the blockchain, sorry 😂 Yet here I am, building things, step by step and growing more each day.

If I can do it, you can do it too. I promise no matter who you are, you are smart enough. And programming IS an option for you! If you ever need any advice about where to start or how to follow this path, please reach out to me as I am so happy to help and give any thoughts or advice and help you along on your journey! 👋 You can find me on Twitter at @britt_joiner!